


Shit!

by Jenayisonearth



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Denial, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Sexuality Confusion, Working out feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-12-04 17:19:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11559825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenayisonearth/pseuds/Jenayisonearth
Summary: And how lovely sickening is that feeling when you've spent so much time arguing your point when the other side was right all along.





	Shit!

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment, it makes me happy:) Enjoy ;)

009

Dan Howell was sat in front of his computer, Phil had gone to take a shower and he took long ones alright. 

It was amazing how he was sat in the exact room where most of his videos took place. How is this real life. 

He was sat there looking at the comments on their first collab video. It had been up for a few months now and it had accumulated a few hundred comments.

Omg you look so cute together!

Are you two together?

I ship it :)

These were exactly what he had been dealing with since they both shared the screen. Everyone was dead set that they were gay for each, which was crazy since Dan was straighter than a ruler. He, of course, had denied every question, though people still shipped them and had even come up with a cheesy nickname for it, phan. It was ridiculous. People couldn’t go around singing about fantasies of them fucking each other. 

“Hey whacha you doing?’’ a strong northern accented voice called from the door.

‘’Oh nothing, just looking at the comments.’’ Dan replied with his cheeks flushing to a bright red.

‘’Which video?’’ Phil asked coming closer, 

Shit! Dan thought quickly, what would he think about him if he saw him reading those comments. Before he could exit and find another video of his Phil sat next to him, still in his towels (Dan was very aware of that), and looked upon the screen. 

“Oh that.” Phil said, Dan couldn’t quite decipher his voice but he did feel the blood drain out of him. 

“I’ve gotten so many questions since we posted that. They even came up with a name, Phan, can you believe that? It’s weird but cool at the same time!’’ Relief spread onto Dan.

Cool!? He thinks its cool!?

“Uh yeah me too.” Dan said a bit too quickly, he shutdown his computer and laid back, staring at the collage ceiling Phil had crafted. It was very him though. The most random things this boy did were so cute and innocent, they sent Dan into fits of happiness attacks.

No! I am not gay! Dan thought quickly, he rolled onto his side. 

“Wanna sleep?” He heard Phil say.

“Yeah I’m pretty tired.’’

‘’Ok I’ll turn off the light.”

‘’Ok ‘’ Dan said as he felt the bed dip beside him. Chills rose through his spine as he let out a quite shaky breath. Hopefully Phil didn’t here. 

 

2010

The chill air of Manchester surrounded Dan as he carried one last box into his room. The place itself looked like a prison then a welcoming dorm room but he liked it. It did feel nice to be out of his parents grasp for once and he had Phil so what was there to worry about right?

Everything. 

He didn’t know how to live by himself! Heck he couldn’t even make toast without burning it much less live by himself and be responsible for his own being. 

 

He set the box down on the floor next to his bed. He already missed home a bit and wanted to see Phil. He sat down and laid back on the mattress, jeez even the ceiling was dirty. 

“Hey I’m Sam, I’m guessing you’re my roommate?” Dan looked up to see a tall blond guy with striking green eyes. He had on a pair of khaki shorts and a polyester grey shirt. He had tan muscular arms and legs and was strikingly handsome, that grin on his face just adding to it all. 

“Yeah I guess so unless I’m in the wrong room ha.” Dan replied not exactly wanting to converse.

“Well I hoped you’re not.” Sam chuckled. Did he just flirt?! He seemed and looked straight, not that looks had to do with anything, maybe he was bi or something.

Dan let out a little forced laugh. Sam wasn’t pale like Phil, and he lacked a few inches to him. Phil didn’t have muscular arms, they were nice and skinny. And Phil rarely wore shorts unless it was hot out, which it wasn’t, and he would never wear Khaki shorts. And that shirt, Phil would say it was to sporty. 

‘’So?’’ Sam said coming closer. 

Oh please lord don’t let this be the start of small talk! Dan begged.

It was. 

‘’What do you like to do?’’ He asked sitting down next to Dan. 

“Um just browse the internet and sulk about my life.’’ Dan answered hoping he would get weirded out and leave. 

Sam let out a loud laugh. Phil laughed so much better and cuter.

‘’You’re a funny guy.’’ He said playfully punching the brown haired boy. 

‘’I guess.’’ He answered a little uncomfortably. It was getting incredibly awkward for him and he just wanted it to be over with. 

“So what do you like best about yourself?’’

What was this, twenty questions!?

“Um I don’t know, my hands I guess.” He said lying a bit. He thought his fingers were too long.

 

‘’I like my eyes.” Phil’s were so much more beautiful, in fact they were breathtaking, at least to Dan. They were like a marble of blue and green, with the right amount of shade and tint by yellow. They were perfect, even if they ‘Didn’t work’ like Phil always said.

 

Dan nodded, trying to think of a way out of this conversation then Sam beat him to it.

“Hey what are you doing tonight, after orientation?’’

Shit!

‘’I’m actually going over to my friend’s house.’’ Dan answered quickly making a mental note to go over to Phil’s or avoid being in the dorm tonight. 

‘’Aw that’s too bad, well next time right.’’ Sam said with a obviously disappointed half smile. He got up and thankfully left Dan’s room. 

 

Later that afternoon Dan was meeting Phil at a local coffee shop. 

‘’Thankfully you were free tonight!’’ Dan said as Phil set down two steaming mugs of hot chocolate.

‘’’I’m glad I’m loved, so why am I loved again?’’ Phil said raising an eyebrow. 

Dan laughed feeling his cheeks turn warm.

‘’You dork!’’ 

‘’No I want to know.’’ 

‘’Fine, this guy was hitting on and I wasn’t interested. Plus he’s my roommate.’’ Dan squished. 

He saw Phil’s face fall but it quickly morphed into sassy expression. Maybe it was his eyes playing tricks?

‘’Danny boy has a boyfriennnnnndd.” Phil giggled out making Dan blush even harder. 

‘’Shut up, he isn’t even my type.’’ Phil knew Dan was interested in boys and girls. He said it was called being bi but Dan didn’t want to put a label, it fed his insecurities. Turns out they were right about one thing.

 

‘’Then what is?’’ Phil asked, this time a bit more curious.

You, shit I’m not supposed to think that! 

‘’I don’t know, not him.’’ Dan thought this was the safest answer 

‘’What should we do? Want to watch a movie?’’ He changed the subject immediately afterwards. 

‘’Yeah let’s hurry then.’’

 

2011  
‘’I love this breakfast bar!’’ Phil announced as Dan walked in the kitchen. 

‘’Is that my cereal!?’’ Dan asked seeing his box open and next to Phil.

‘’Maybe.’’ 

‘’You little-’’

‘’No augh’’ Phil interrupted with a mouthful of cereal.

‘’Ugh whatever fine, I would eat yours but it’s gross.’’ Dan said pulling out milk and a bowl.

 

‘’ I feel like I need to do something today.’’ Dan wondered out loud. He always gets this feeling when his procrastination made him forget his tasks. 

‘’SHIT THE TEST!!!!!!’’ Dan yelled startling Phil making him drop a plate which thankfully didn’t break. 

Dan raced into his bedroom and sunk into hours of reading textbooks that made no sense speaking about law. 

 

‘’AH I’m not doing it!’’ Dan yelled as he stood up. 

‘’What?’’ Phil asked as he stopped his game. 

‘’I’m not gonna do it!’’

‘’What’’ Phil asked getting confused at Dan’s outburst. 

‘’No one can make me do it!’’

‘’Dan what are you on about?’’ 

‘’That’s it, I’m not going!’’ He decided 

‘’Dan …..’’

‘’I’ve had enough, I don’t care anymore!’’ Dan whined

‘’What aren’t you going to?’’ Phil asked still very confused.

‘’Ugh, my exam.’’ Dan crossed his arms, still avoiding Phil’s eye contact.

‘’What do you mean?’’

‘’I’m not going.’’

‘’Dan, you have to go to your resit.’’

‘’NOT IF I DON’T GIVE A FUCKING FUCK ANYMORE I DON’T!’’ Dan yelled slamming his papers down on the floor. Then he started to cry, he didn’t want Phil to see him just whine about not being smart so he broke into a run into the kitchen. 

‘’Dan wait!’’ Phil called after, he followed Dan into the kitchen who was already in a ball hugging his knees leaning against the oven. 

‘’There’s no point in me being like this, I don’t even like law! So why am I doing this?’’ Dan mumbled as his head was inbetween his knees. 

‘’Hey it’s okay, you just need a break to clear up your head.’’ Phil consoled, he sat down and pulled the younger boy into his arms. Dan timidly rested his head to Phil’s chest.

‘’It’s okay I’m here right? It’s you and mean against the world!’’ he said in a heroic voice. Dan let out a sad laugh. 

‘’Everyone goes through this Dan, you aren’t the only one. In fact you’re lucky you realized this now before it was too late’’ 

Dan nodded still staring at the ground.

‘’So hows about I get you some chocolate.’’ 

‘’Okay.’’ Dan nodded as well. 

Phil got up and began to get mugs and whatever, dan stayed on the floor. How had he gotten so lucky? How is his idol right here comforting him? He hoped he never lost Phil, life wouldn’t be the same. And that thought scared Dan to death.

2012

‘’No we aren’t together.’’ Dan repeated for the millionth time on his younow show. Every liveshow of every week more than few shippers spammed the comments with questions like, are you gay? Are you and phil together? 

Those were the nice ones. 

The others went more like this. 

 

You gay F@&&%t

Phil’s b%tt*r 

Go k!!! Yourself

Stop lying to your fanbas&, y0ur so ungrateful

Just come out already

It’s obvious you’re with phil

 

Phil told him to ignore it, they were just angry people that were mad and tagged along with the recent event. But he couldn’t just ignore them, Dan wasn’t like that. Words stuck to him like gum on a shoe, every hate comment glued to his sides, his vision blurred when he read them. He couldn’t seem to find any regular ones from the people which he knew were his viewers. 

Dan had spaced out evidently, the liveshow now held concerned remarks on the screen.

 

‘’So the funniest thing happened the other day…..’’ Dan chatted bringing back the stream to life.

 

After some banter about music and movies and future projects and hopes, Dan closed the tab and sighed. He closed and rubbed his eyes. He was so tired even though he took three naps that day and woke up late, he would’ve gotten up later if it weren’t for Phil who practically dragged him out of bed. 

 

‘’Ugh’’ moaned Dan as he stretched out on his chair. He was tired but knew he couldn’t go back to sleep, it would raise more concern with Phil and he would ask even more questions. 

Maybe a walk will clear up my mind or something. 

Dan got this phone and earbuds along with his house keys and a light sweater as it got chilly in the evening.  
‘’PHIL I’M GOING OUT!’’ Dan yelled as he walked out into the crisp air that blissed the transition between winter and spring. He walked randomly to the pace of his thoughts and before he knew it he was three cities over. 

He headed over to a bench and sat down, he had deserved a break right? 

Dan leant his head back allowing the last few rays of warm sunlight hit his face before they escaped into another time zone. How lucky to be forever existent, to be loved and needed and awaited until you come again. For gods to be created out of you and studies to be dedicated to knowing you how lovely to be that. But Dan was human and not a giant glowing fireball of gas and heat. 

Okay this is enough for now Dan thought he stood up and looked around, this wasn’t familiar.

In fact he didn’t know in which city he was. He looked around at a the street names and restaurant titles, none of there rang a bell! 

Shit! I’m lost! Dan pulled out his phone, which conveniently was dead, and headed towards a corner coffee shop. 

‘’Hey do know which town this is?’’ Dan asked a girl who was heading towards the cashier.

‘’Salford.’’ The girl answered blankly and moved on. Salford! That was two to three miles outside of manchester! His legs burned so he sat down. He had no more than 10 pounds and his phone was dead. Not to mention the spinning sensation going on in his head right now. 

I need to call Phil

‘’Hey can I use your phone to make a call?’’ Dan asked a guy that was sitting next to him. He nodded and handed him the flat disk. 

‘’Hello?’’ Phil asked, his voice was sweet in Dan’s ears like honey. 

‘’Hey Phil it’s me Dan, my phone is dead and I’m lost in salford. Can u pick me up?’’ 

‘’Yeah where are you now?’’ Dan heard some shuffling in the other line.

‘’Um I’m at Coffee Spoon’’ Dan said looking at the logo imprinted on the wall. 

‘’Okay just wait there I’ll be there in a second.’’ 

‘’Okay thanks bye.’’ Dan hung up and thanked the guy, he only nodded and returned to his book and coffee. The people here were so isolated, but Dan couldn’t blame them. He knew that was how was acting with Phil right now. Guilt sank into Dan, he had been so horrible to Phil, everything that had happened was a accident.

But as much as he knew it couldn’t be helped, that Phil didn’t mean for any of this to happen. It could’ve happened to anyone, even him. Dan got up and got a sweet sounding coffee for Phil and himself, caffeine would do the trick, and went to pick it up at the side counter.

‘’Dan!’’ Phil called through the phone, ‘’I’m out here come out.’’ Dan exited the coffee shop and saw Phil standing out of a taxi door open and waiting for him. Dan rushed over and handed Phil his coffee as they were seated. 

‘’You didn’t have to go this far to get me coffee Dan’’ Phil joked, Dan burst into tears. 

‘’Hey hey sorry I didn’t mean it like that.’’ Phil hugged Dan who leaned onto him, ‘’I’m so sorry Phil, this whole year I’m sorry. It wasn’t your fault.’’ He heard Phil take in a shaky breath. 

‘’Hey it’s ok, I’m sorry too, I haven’t been there but I promise I wil.’’

‘’NO! Don’t you dare say that Phil, I’m sorry because all I did every time I talked to you was blame you so don’t you dare feel sorry!’’ Dan said sharply. He saw Phil’s expression was surprised but a smile teased his lips. Oh so badly did Dan want to press his own to them. 

No! He was NOT interested in his friend like that no matter what ANYONE said!

 

‘’Forget about this?’’ Phil asked wiping a stray tear off of Dan’s cheek, ‘’Forget about this. ‘’

 

2013 

‘’Ah this is awesome’’ Dan cheered once they were in their apartment. They just finished their first weekly radio show and it was amazing. 

‘’I know it’s like we’re famous!’’ Phil replied.

‘’I think we were already on some level of fame Phil.’’ Dan retorted, he was such in a good mood. 

‘’I guess, wanna watch a movie?’’

‘’Popcorn?’’ Dan answered with smile knowing he would get cuddles tonight,

‘’And chocolate.’’ Phil answered running upstairs to get blanket, Dan could shake that smile off his face, it was their because of the show but there was a different reason for it now…

As soon as Phil put in a movie, Dan didn’t bother to see which one, and got on the couch Dan laid his legs over the older boy.  
‘’Dan!, your legs are so heavy!’’ 

‘’Aw you love them.’’ Dan whine scooting closer and resting his head on Phil’s shoulder. 

‘’Wow you’re desperate.’’ Phil teased, he could feel the heat rising in his cheeks. God dammit, how could Phil always send him into these starstruck attacks. 

‘’You like it.’’ Dan mumbled with a mouthful of popcorn

‘’Sure I do.’’ Phil replied popping in a mouthful himself and wrapping his arms around the younger boy’s legs.

 

Shit! Dan was on top Phil with his head in the crook of his neck. They must’ve fell asleep like this last night. The memories of the blissful evening filled Dan and he allowed himself to indulge in them for a minute before trying to get out of this position. What would Phil think if he woke up right no? Would he think Dan liked him? Did Dan like him? Ugh now was not the time to think about that. 

He quietly out his right leg over Phil and down to the floor, thank god he had freakishly long legs, and lifted himself slightly putting all his weight on the leg. He swung over his left leg and clumsily tried to balance himself which did not work. 

Next thing he knew he came crashing down onto the peaceful boy, his face was crushed half by the couch and he other half by Phil’s shoulder.

‘’Ouf’’ Dan moaned-gasped. He felt Phil’s arms jolt up as he let out a yelp of suprise.

Fucking shit fuck! Dan cursed, what would Phil think? Fuck he probably just ruined his friendship or a t least got himself a few weeks of awkwardness. 

‘’Dan you scared me!’’ Phil laughed out, ‘’Are you clumsier than me now?’’ He asked sarcastically still overcome by fits of laughter. 

‘’Sorry! Just lost my balance.’’ Dan said into the cushions. He tried to get off but ended up with his arms sort of pining Phil to the couch. He store into those pools of aqua beauty. 

How can Phil be so pretty?

Shit! I’m staring! 

Quickly got off and started chatting random banter. Though he kept busy talking about random stuff to keep that voice from telling him what his body wants. But his exaggerated movements prevented him from seeing the awestruck Phil still laying on the couch staring lovingly and questionly at the bantering boy. 

 

2014

‘’Wow I can’t believe we already hit a few thousand subscribers!’’ Dan said amazed at the laptop screen sitting in front of them. It had only been a few hours since they posted their first gaming video and it was already blowing up. Comments poured in about how much they love the combined channel and likes encouraged Dan like air to a burning fire. 

‘’I know right! And it’s only been a few hours!’’ Phil said plopping down next to Dan, their shoulders pressed and hips touching. This past year and a half Phil seemed a bit off, he would get more cuddly and affectionite, not that Dan was complaining. It seemed that since the radio show Phil was having a hard time controlling his blush. It made Dan happy that could send Phil into the same fits that he managed to enwarp Dan into all these years. 

It made Dan wonder if he…..

No! 

Dan couldn’t have feelings for Phil, he couldn’t! It would ruin their friendship and Phil would leave and heir branding would split and-

‘’Aruahh.’’ Dan shivered at the thought.

‘’You alright?’’ Phil asked. Concerned as a good friend, emphasis on friend. 

‘’Yeah just a cringe attack..’’ Dan slurred quickly.

‘’Now? But why this so amazing!’’

‘’They happen anytime Phil, at funerals or weddings or-’’ 

‘’No! Stop just let’s watch attack on titan or something.’’ 

‘’Okay okay I’ll stop.’’ 

‘’Want a blanket or something?’’ 

‘’Yeah sure I’ll go get it’’ Dan stood up and went to his room. He picked out a small blanket and went back downstairs where everything was set up already.  
‘’Hurry I want to watch it already.’’ Phil whined pulling his fingers in and out in a grabbing motion.

‘’Okay desperate much.’’ Dan mumbled scooting beside Phil and draping the very small blanket. 

‘’Dan this is tiny! Scoot closer’’ Dan blushed furiously, did he know or suspect anything? Shit upon thinking that Dan did have something for Phil.

Shit shit shit shit Dan repeated as he pressed himself to Phil’s side. Shivers rang up his spine, circulating in his cheeks like a hamster’s wheel working heat into his pale cheeks. Now was not the time to be ‘attracted’ to Phil physically. 

Phil wrapped his arm around Dan’s neck. Shit! Shit! Shit! Dan continued thinking, he tried hard to concentrate on controlling his body but nooo, Phil had to go and cuddle with Dan and it so happened that he was wearing those glasses that looked hot on him. 

‘’You okay Dan? You seem a little tense.’’ Phil asked after a while. 

‘’Yeah yeah just need to go to the bathroom.’’ Dan said quickly getting up and heading to the farthest bathroom, in the house. He tried to get rid of it but it became more painful with each attempt so he decided to just hop in the shower and try to do it as fast as he could. 

‘Dan are you in there?’’ Phil asked about five minutes later.

‘’Yeah.’’

‘’Wait are you showering!?’’ 

‘’Yeah I uh had an incident with the toilet water..’’ Dan made up as fast as he could. Shit! 

‘’Haha Dan! What did you do? Nevermind I don’t want to know! Do you need some clothes?’’ Phil. Asked, damn why did he have to be so perfect? 

‘’Yeah that would be great thanks.’’ Dan answered. 

‘’Ok be right back!’’ It took Dan everything to not moan after that. 

After he got up and changed they went back to the movie which was filled with random fits of laughter made by Phil. And it was then did Dan consider the possibility. And how his physical self stood against him. 

2015

Boom! Crash! Rumble!  
The loud noises that interrupted the night frightened Dan. it was one of the worst thunder storm’s he ever had and of course it happened when they were on the road on tour. It had been going on for two hours now and they were at one of those car rest stops. He turned and buried his head into his pillow.

Flash! Boom! 

 

He got up. Loud noises and small confined spaces did not go well especially in the dark.

‘’Phil?’’ Dan knocked on the door, why couldn’t Dan win the game? He wouldn’t be here. 

‘’Phil you awake?’’ he said again after getting no response. 

‘’Mmhh yeah just come in’’ He heard a sleepy voice inside. Dan crawled into the bed and under the covers, it was a cold night and he wanted to hug Phil. 

‘’So you scared of the big bad thunder?’’ The raven-haired boy teased with a noticeable smirk on his face. 

‘’Shut up!’’

‘’Aw you are scared!’’ Phil continued to wrap his arms tightly around Dan. 

‘’Wow you’re so cold!’’ Phil yelped.

‘’I wouldn’t be if you didn’t hog the bed all the time!’’ 

‘’You know you can always come in here right’’ Phil said a bit more seriously. 

They were both facing each other now, Phil’s arms still around Dan’s waist. He could make out the dark outline of Phil’s hair against his white skin. He felt those blue eyes glued on him and was very aware of the long fingers curled at his waist. 

‘’Phil I…..’’

 

BOOM!!!!!!!

‘SHIT!’’ Dan yelped, that was definitely the loudest one yet. Maybe it was the universe telling him no. 

Phil laughed loudly, ‘’It’s just thunder Dan!’’

‘’Oh you jumped too!’’

‘’Because you scared me! You jumped liked a foot in the air!’’

‘’Oh shut up!’’

‘’Make me!’’ 

 

Dan paused. He wanted to press his lips against those soft looking ones, he wanted to snuggle under Phil and tell him he loved him. Shit why did he let this go one without confessing?

‘’Come here you big spork.’’ Phil said bringing Dan closer and hugging him so they were both facing the same same direction. Phil swung his leg over Dan’s and nestled his head between his shoulder blades. 

 

Soon enough Dan heard a soft snore escape from Phil, his relaxed breathing called his heart rate and eventually helped him drift into a deep sleep. 

2016 

‘’And bye!’’ they both chanted. It was the final video for gamingmas and hopefully Dan would be able to get it done and uploaded by the 24th. 

‘’Wow i can’t believe we actually got this far!’’ phil said turned to Dan.

‘’Yeah i know, hopefully we actually make it.’’ 

‘’Yeah it would totally suck if the streak ended right before christmas eve.’’ 

‘’Yeah it would…’’

~~~~~~

Dan was sat on the couch in his family’s bedroom editing the final touches of the video, all he needed was the thumbnail and he was set. He got his phone out and facetimed Phil since his computer was being occupied. 

‘’Hey Dan! Happy Christmas Eve!’’ phil said cheerily as he came onto view.

‘’I think you mean Merry Christmas Eve Phil.’’  
‘’Oh whatever.’’

‘’Can you send me the thumbnail?’’

‘’Oh yeah right I almost forgot.’’

‘’I see that’’ Dan said smiling fondly.

‘’Oh be quiet.’

Dan stuck his tongue out at Phil.

‘’There I emailed it to you.’’ 

‘’Okay thanks that’s all I need and then I’ll upload it.’’

‘’Can I stay on the line? Everyone else is getting ready for bed but I’m too excited. 

‘’Yeah my parents are in bed and my brother is in his room and i’m here with colin.’’ dan showed the blurry Phil to a tired dog laying by Dan’s neck.

‘’Aw I wish my parents had a dog to show off to you”’ Phil whined. 

‘’Shit! I just deleted the christmas one!’’

‘’Dan!’’ 

‘’Sorry sorry but all the footage is lost.’’

‘’Hey it’s ok, we don’t have to upload.’’

‘’No Phil it’s called Gamingmas, so it’s all of December and Christmas Day” 

‘’Dan it’s okay, they’ll think that’s how it was planned.’’ 

‘’No Phil it’s not fine, I just deleted a whole video!”

“Hey it’s okay. Just let it go, I’ll buy you a coffee when i see you again to make you feel better.’’’

‘’Ugh fiiinee.’’

‘’Okay just don’t delete this video.’’’

 

“Ha. Ha. I just finished so it should be up in like an hour.’’ 

‘’Okay good I was getting hungry.’’ it was a tradition for them to eat a snack when they were apart and talking at night so Dan got up and headed towards the kitchen. 

After a bag of crisps, a handful of biscuits and a mug of hot chocolate Dan was settled in bed still talking Phil who was telling a story about an old lady calling him thomas on the train.

‘’I’m telling you I’m like a magnet!’’ 

‘’I believe you.’’ Dan said, he has had his fair share of weird encounters while out with Phil so it was no lie the older boy was lying. 

‘’I miss you.’’ Phil said randomly though Dan knew he was meaning to say it. 

‘’I miss you too.’’

Dan wanted to say so much more, how he would love to get to spend every christmas with Phil for the rest of his life and be able to hug or kiss him but it was too much of a risk. But Dan felt that now was the time and he could sense that sooner or later he would break. 

‘’Phil I need to tell you something”

“Yeah?’’

“I um I AH!” 

Dan spilled the remaining chocolate on his laptop.

Shit!

“What happened?’’ Phil asked half laughing half actually concerned. 

‘’I spilled my drink on my laptop!’’

Phil laughed loudly then immediately covered his mouth with his hand. Maybe because his parents were sleeping or something. 

‘’I gotta go, I’ll call you tomorrow and we can open our gifts then.’’ Dan said trying to get most of the sweet drink out of the keyboard cracks. 

‘’Okay then but this is what you get for not decorating it! It’s mad you left it naked.’’ 

‘’Thanks Phil, bye!’’

‘’ ‘Kay bye. ‘’

 

2017

Dan looked at the computer screen, he was searching for another place to live as the London apartment became too much to handle with Phil. Living there with him felt like drowning in a sea of grey angst that had cracks and was extremely noisy. 

‘’Found any.”’ Phil asked walking into his room, they were both constantly on the look for a place of their own to cover a lot of ground in a short period. Their lease was coming to an end and the Landlord already had new tenants. 

‘’No.’’ Dan sighed, ‘’What about you any luck?’’ 

‘’No. None of them call out to me.’’

‘’I know..’’ 

‘’How about this one?’’ Phil said pointing to one which was only a couple of blocks away. 

‘’Oh yeah.’’ 

‘’I’ll send an email.’’

‘’Great hopefully we get it!’’ 

‘’I hope so, I’m going to fill it with a bunch of houseplants.’’

‘’That’ll eventually die in the first week of being there.’’ 

‘’Hey! I’ll have you to water them!”

‘’Yeah right, dork.’’ 

‘’Well you love the dork.’’ Phil said pressing kiss to Dan’s cheek. Even after a few months butterflies still raved inside Dan’s stomache when Phil did these things. Turns out Phil did like him and know they were happy and leaving this dump.

‘’I’m glad it’s only temporary though, I really want a house.’’  
‘’Me too but we need more time.’’ Dan said. The talk of a forever home was becoming more and more frequent and they want the perfect one which could take years but this’ll do. 

‘’I want a garden and a dog and a big kitchen.’’ 

‘’Only if we get a shibe.’’ Dan said.

‘’No a corgi.’’ 

‘’Shibe.’’ 

‘’Okay fine how about a mix.’’

‘’Is there really a mixed breed?’’

‘’Let’s search it!’’

‘’Aw their so cute!’’

‘’Aw I want one right now.’’ 

‘’Ugh me too!’’

~~~~~~

“We didn’t get it.” Phil frowned.

shit! 

‘’Aw no, I really did like it.’’

‘’Yeah..’’

Phil looked really dissapointed. Dan wanted to make him happy, it sounded cheesy but it hurt him when Phil wasn’t content. 

‘’Well I’ll keep looking then.’’ Dan sighed resuming back to his computer and back to all the websites. 

But all he could think about was how his feelings for Phil went from Platonic to totally in love with him.  
‘I need to tell him eventually’ Dan thought then resumed his poisition. 

 

2020

Dan began to sweat. His hands became more and more sweaty and now small beads formed on his neck. He really didn’t want sweaty hands in case he dropped his ring. That although would probably be what happened though. 

‘’You okay Dan?’’ Phil asked. They were in florida and they decided to go on a small boat ride at night. 

‘’Yeah yeah just a little hot.’’ Which did not make sense because tonight was actually one of Florida’s more chill evenings. 

Phil gave him a concerned face and looked back at sea. The sun was setting and it left that beautiful pink and orange crisp setting. The image reflected in Phil’s eyes and he was notably happy.

Now was the time.

‘’Hey Phil?’’ Dan asked taking Phil’s right hand in his, he ran his finger over his knuckles and smooth skin.  
‘’’Yeah?’’ 

Dan lowered himself on his knee still looking at Phil’s pale hand. 

‘’Philip lester,you’ve made these past eleven years the best fucking years of my life.’’ Dan looked up to see Phil’s shocked face that was shaking no?! 

Dan froze. Phil didn’t want to marry him? Dan wanted to say something, anything but his mouth remained shut. 

‘’Dan you troll!’’ Phil exclaimed plopping down in front of him.

‘’Wha-!’’ Dan gasped as he saw a black velvet box being showcased in his hand. 

‘’’I was going to propose to you today!’’ Phil laughed, Dan’s mouth was in an O. He thought Phil didn’t love him anymore! 

‘’You scared me!’’

‘’Oops sorry.”’

‘’Well then make it up to me.’’ Dan cried. 

‘’Well Daniel howell, will you make me even more happier and marry me?’’

‘’Only if you say yes.’’ Dan said, his voice cracking like a teenage boy. 

‘’Yes!’’ Phil answered. 

Dan slipped on his band on Phil’s band while Phil did the same. 

‘’We’re getting married!’’dan cried, his face was moist with happy tears.

‘’2022?’’ 

‘’That’s enough time with us planning.’’ Dan smiled. They were getting married. How did Dan get so lucky. It was in the end of 2017 that he one day went into the kitchen to get some water when he found Phil hunched over the sink. 

He remembered it like it was yesterday.

~~~~~

“Phil are alright?’’ Dan had asked a bit concerned and freaked out. 

“I can’t do this anymore Dan.” Phil answered noticeably upset. 

“What do you mean you can’t this anymore?’’ Dan asked completely scared for Phil. he started to imagine the worst and couldn’t picture life without him, he could not.

“I mean this Dan, us. I can’t hide my feelings anymore.”

“Phil don’t do anything stupid.” Dan warned. He really was getting the idea of where Phil was going and he would fight him if it meant keeping him with him here.

“And if you have please tell me right now, please I’ll never forgive you if you do it.” Dan pleaded, Phil eyes welled up in even more tears. But this time it was different. Phil looked like he was stabbed, rejected almost, shut up…. Oh no.” Phil ran past Dan. 

Did he possibly mean…?

Dan ran after Phil who had locked his door, he began to knock furiously desperate to get inside.

“Phil let me in please, I didn’t mean it like that.” Dan pleaded twisting the knob while the knocking. 

“Go away Dan.’’ The most hurtful voice Dan had ever heard said. Tears welled up in his own eyes, Phil sounded so hurt it physically ached. 

 

“Phil no, I love you, I’ve always have just never allowed myself too.”

The door slowly creaked open.

“Phil! I’m sorry I thought you were going to-”

Dan was caught off when Phil reached out and cupped his cheek.

“Are you telling the truth?” Phil asked.

Dan looked into Phil’s eyes, “Yes.’”

~~~~

Dan looked back at Phil who was admiring his new ring, it was a lovely silver band with a multicolored crystal at the center followed by smaller ones surrounding it. The crystal was tinted green blue and yellow, just like Phil’s eyes. 

Dan looked down at his own, it was also silver but darker, space grey. A pretty clear crystal stood out and was held together by a braided gold and black lining, it was perfect and would matched all of his outfits.

Dan looked up again, Phil was so happy. His eyes crinkled and tongue lopsided in his mouth as his rosy cheeks bounced with his everlasting smile.

“This is the most fun I’ve ever had.’’ Dan joked.

Phil tackled him in return.  
They had been right all along.

**Author's Note:**

> well I hope you liked it and it wasn't shit! (see what I did there -_-) and please comment, it makes me happy. Anyways have a great day and don't bite fake flowers.
> 
> ~Jenay


End file.
